Transformers Christmas
by DarkIronhide2789
Summary: The Transformers get attacked by a mad scientist, shinken, an dpacked up as action figures, but are soon found by two sisters. The Transformers get to learn the ways humans do Christmas. Shows are Prime, G1, Cybertron, and Movies. Please note that it has Brigadoon. MERRY CHRISTMAS!
1. Strange Christmas

Chapter 1

Strangest Christmas

Jane squealed with delight as her clock rang 8:30. "CHRISTMAS!" she yelled, instantly running into the door.

"OH MY-!" she heard on the other side.

Jane opened the door, and looked to see her sister, Sierra. "GOOD MORNING!" she said.

"Not in the ear," Sierra whimpered.

"Well your not in a mood today, where's your Christmas spirit?"

"I would have it if you had used your brain!"

"Not my fault I don't have one!"

"Well, who cares? Let's see what we got!"

"Race ya'!"

The two girls ran towards the stairs, tripping on one of their dogs toys. Sierra did a face plant, just as Jane ran into the wall. They quickly ran towards the tree, and pulled out their first present. Jane's was red with white stripes, but the ribbon was blue on one side, and red on the other. She quickly opened it, to see two small robots, both with ribbons, but one that was completely red had a blue one, the other had a red one. "Cool!" Jane yelled.

She showed them to Sierra. "Hey, no fair!"

"If you want to you can have the red and white one, but I CALL RED!"

Sierra ran back over to the tree, and started digging through the presents. A present shot by Jane's ear, strangely it seamed to be screaming. Jane ignored it. Sierra suddenly pulled out a present with a star. "I call this one!" she yelled.

"No fair!"

Jane did a dodge for it, but Sierra pulled it out of her reach. "NO!" she yelled, "you can have that one!"

Jane looked at the present, it was wrapped with paper with flames on it. "COOL!" she yelled.

Sierra opened hers, and saw two more robots, one was sitting in the corner pouting, while the other one was trying to get out. "I CALL THESE!" she yelled.

The two of them looked at her in scared and shocked faces. Sierra quickly picked them up, but one tried to fly away. "No you don't!" she said, then imminently hugging them.

Jane quickly walked over to the present with flames on it. She started unwrapping it to see that it had tones of paper to unwrap. There was a rustle from it moving. Jane squeaked. "Freedom is the right of all sentient beings, and I want mine NOW!" it yelled.

Jane quickly unwrapped more, just as a robot got it's head out. "What is this?" he said.

"COOL!" she yelled, "hey Sierra, bet you don't have one that probably goes up to your knee!"

"WHAT? NO FAIR!"

It started to hop in the box; Jane saw that it was heading torwards the basement stairs. "Nononononononononono,!" Jane yelled, "Don't go-!"

There was loud thuds from it rolling down the stairs. "OUCH!"

"Nice one!" Sierra said. She suddenly grinned and dived into the tree, much to the horror of the tiny fliers she was holding, and pulled out a gigantic box. Jane went slack-jawed.

"How did that fit inside the tree?" She asked. Sierra shrugged and immediately ripped the paper off of it.

"I don't know, but I call it!" Jane slumped.

"Awww. Darn." Sierra suddenly squealed in excitement. Jane glanced at her to find hundreds of flying things erupting from the box.

"GUN-SWORDSMEN!" She screamed. Jane rolled her eyes.

"You've been watching too much Brigadoon."

"You mean the play?" Jane glanced down at the robot she had freed, who had somehow managed to climb up the stairs. The robot continued. "I saw a play once, and it had lots of people singing and dancing, and it was called Brigadoon." Jane shook her head.

"No, the Japanese anime. Sierra thinks the opened a box of guns-" She stopped when Melan Blue suddenly flew past her face. Her eyes widened and she looked over at Sierra, who was currently trying to climb the wall to get Kuston. Another gun-swordsman was hanging off the light fixture, complaining about how bright it was and trying to blow it up.

There was a tiny scream from next to the tree. Jane whirled to find yet another gun-swordsman in distress: Erin. She was flying as fast as she could, trying to escape from the jaws of certain doom, ones that were trying to swallow her. Jane sighed.

"Bones! Bonecrusher, you bad dog, stop trying to eat Erin! She will give you indigestion!"

"Bonecrusher?"

"Yes that's his name."

The robot looked at the dog. Just as he opened his mouth to speak, Sierra screamed. He turned to find her running from a large present, which was currently hopping after her, screaming "Get back here insignificant fleshling! I order you to free me from this cardboard prison!" Sierra screamed again and threw the red, white, and blue flier at the box.

"Never!" The flier struck the box, going right through the flimsy cardboard. There was a very high-pitched scream, and the flier tumbled out, followed by a silver mech that, even though he was two feet tall, seemed to loom menacingly over everybody. HE glared at the flier.

"You failed me, Starscream! You failed to release me! Face the consequences!" An impressive-looking weapon on the mech's arm began to glow. Sierra gasped and flung herself into the path of certain doom in a very Prime-like fashion, making Optimus blush in envy.

"NO! MY STAR! DON'T HURT HIM!" Megatron was picked up by Sierra and thrown back at the tree, landing upside down among the braches. A black and red flier rushed up to Starscream and helped him up.

"OMGSTARAREYOUOKAY? AREYOUOKAY?" The flier began checking over Starscream inch by inch, looking for even the smallest scratch that could potentially mean irreparable damage. Sierra frowned.

"Who are you?" The black flier sneered at her.

"Phoenix! Go away while I tend to my sparkmate!" Sierra pouted.

"I found him first! What gives you the right to claim him?" Phoenix snarled.

"If you didn't notice, you're an entirely different species! By all laws of science and physics, it would be impossible for a human to mate with a Cybertronian! Besides, we were stuck in the same box. And we fought together in the war. So there!" Sierra narrowed her eyes.

"So it's going to be like that, huh?" She stalked over and snatched Megatron from the tree, glaring at him with the Glare. There is no need to explain what this Glare looked like. Just know that Sierra mastered the Glare, and used it to make Megatron bow to her command.

"Fight, gladiator! Destroy the one who stand in my way to Starscream!" Megatron rushed to his certain Doom. Once again, there is no need to explain what this Doom is. Just know that fighting the Fire Dancer will certainly bring Doom. Painfully.

Optimus watched as Megatron sailed through the air, on fire, landing once again in the tree. He shrugged.

"Megatron should have known about Doom. Hey, Megsy, did you know that Bonecrusher had been turned into an organic dog?" Megatron wailed in disappointment.

"You failed me too, Bonecrusher! Allowing yourself to be turned into an organic has made you my top fail! Starscream, you are now Fail#2!" Starscream burst into tears at this sudden demotion, causing Phoenix to fly into a rage.

"MEGATRON! LOOK WHAT YOU HAVE DONE! YOU WILL PAY!" Megatron attempted to hide himself in the tree, but it was a futile attempt. Phoenix merely set the tree on fire.

Jane yelled.

"NO! NOT THE TREE! NOOOO!" Megatron fell to the floor and instantly shot toward the bathroom in an attempt to outrun the stream of flame that was following him. This was also a futile attempt, for Phoenix is DOOM. There was a splash, and a scream of absolute horror. Sierra went to investigate.

Megatron was trying to climb up the slippery sides of the toilet bowl, screaming in horror.

"I have fallen into a human latrine! AHHHHHH!" Sierra shrugged and pressed the handle. Megatron screamed even louder as he began to spin around and around, growing closer to the black hole in the center.

"I shall not be flushed! I am MEGATRON!" With a supreme effort, Megatron leaped from the toilet bowl. Unfortunately, he was met with the scowling face of Ratchet.

"You have allowed yourself to become contaminated with toilet water! I must clean you!" Ratchet waved his wrench of Doom. Phoenix is not the only Doom around. Ratchet's wrench has sliced fear into the sparks of all who opposed him in the medical bay.

Megatron leaped into the bathtub and began scrubbing himself as fast as he could. It was no use, for Ratchet threw his wrench with perfect aim and struck Megatron's helm with the force of a runaway Blur, knocking him unconscious.

"He wasn't scrubbing right." Ratchet mumbled. Sierra backed away slowly, but Ratchet knows all. He knew Sierra was trying to escape, so he whirled.

"When was the last time you had your tetnis shots?" Sierra screamed and ran away, but Ratchet caught her departing words.

"I haven't! But neither had Jane!"

"What was that about me?" Jane yelled. Ratchet smirked and began his hunt for Jane. She would never know what hit her. Fortunately for Jane, Ratchet caught sight of his previous prey, hiding under a table. Her back was turned. Ratchet grinned and loaded his tetnis shot rifle(where does he get these things?) and took careful aim. And fired.

Sierra yelped and shot up, only to hit her head on the table. She slumped to the ground, definitely unconscious. Ratchet frowned.

"Darn. Now I don't get to watch her writhe in pain from the shot." He waved his Wrench of Doom and threw it in a random direction, clonking Jane on the forehead. She groaned and fell on top of Optimus, who squeaked in a Primely fashion.

"OFF" Prime roared with such a mechly voice it made Megatron jealous. Jane scrambled off of the angry Prime and tried to hide behind the tree. This, folks, did nothing for her because the tree was nothing more than ashes. "I can still see you!" Optimus yelled.

Bonecrusher (the dog) promptly slobbered on him. "Nononononono!" Optimus yelled. Bonecrusher picked him up in his mouth and trotted outside. That was the last anyone saw of Optimus.

That is, until it was time for Checkups from Ratchet. His skills allowed him to detect anyone, anywhere. Ratchet walked outside and fired his gun at the ground. Optimus's hand burst through the fresh dirt.

"IMofverHRE!" He yelled. Unfortunately, Optimus did not know it was Ratchet who had found him. Ratchet grabbed Optimus's hands and slapped energy cuffs on him.

"Checkups!" Optimus screamed in a Primely fashion and struggled to get away.

"THIS IS THE WIERDEST CHRISTMAS OF MY ENTIRE LIFE!" Jane yelled. She was then shot by Kuston, who had gathered enough courage to come down from the ceiling. "SIERRA!" she yelled, "WAKE UP!"

"Mmm..Wha?" she then was stepped on by a runaway Jane.

"YOUCH!"

"HELP!" Jane yelled. Sierra looked to see Janes head stuck in the wall. "HELP…ME!"

She got her head out, just to hit it on Kuston. "OUCH!" she yelled, holding the back of her head.


	2. Check Ups!

**AN: Sorry it's been so long to writing the second chapter, hope this chapter is as funny as the first!**

* * *

Chapter 2

Check ups!

Optimus screamed as Ratchet dragged him across the room. "NONONONONONONO!" he yelled.

"Your late for your check ups," Ratchet snapped.

"I thought I had mine last weeeeeek!"

"One week is too long!"

Ironhide watched as Ratchet dragged him around. "Hey, Ratchet?" he asked, "any chance your sparked?"

"SHUT UP!" Ratchet yelled, throwing a wrench at him.

But it was blocked, for Jane wasn't paying attention, and walked in front of Ironhide, only to get hit in the leg. She screamed in pain, and fell over on Ironhide, who was on a couch, along with books, and a sword that belonged to someone… "OUCH!" she screamed, staring at the toothpick sized sword, and the cut on her arm.

She grabbed the sword, and threw it, only to hit Megatron (who had finally woken up). He screamed, girlishly, and ducked. But the sword ended up hitting the wall, which made a loud DOIING. "What's wrong, Mighty Megatron?" Starscream asked, who was hovering in the air, "are you scared of a little sword?"

"SHUT UP!" Megatron screamed.

"I didn't know you screamed like a girl."

"Well looks who talking, when you're the one with the voice," Megatron snapped.

* * *

Sierra walked in, and looked at the presents the were scattered across the room. "Should we open more?" she asked Jane.

"I don't know, I'm kinda afraid of what will show up next."

"Aww, common, maybe there's more fun stuff you like."

"Ok, I guess I'll open a couple more gifts," she said picking up a gift that had yellow and black on it.

She shook it around, only to hear screaming inside. "Getmeout!Getmeout!Getmeout!Getmeout!Get me OOOOOUUUUTTTTTTT!" she heard someone yell.

She opened the box, and found a yellow mech pressed agenst the wall of the box from horror. "Oops," she said blushing.

"Bumblebee, Oh my gosh!" Optimus yelled diving for the box, but missing, for Jane started to panic, and threw the box in the air.

"AHHHHHHHHHH!" the yellow mech screamed. Luckily, the box's fall was cushioned by Megatron, who had the bad timing to walk directly underneath it. Bumblebee peeked out of the box, only to be glomped by a very enthusiastic Prime. Sierra snickered.

Meanwhile, Phoenix was attempting to teach Bonecrusher(the dog) some tricks. She wasn't getting very far. Finally, she got fed up.

"Stupid dog. Why do I bother?" She turned and walked away with her wings splayed proudly to the side… until Bonecrusher trapped her between his paws and started to lick her.

"NOOO! CONTAMINANTS! EWWWW!" Phoenix struggled desperately to escape the dog's grasp, but it was in vain. Optimus suddenly walked outside and saw a damsel in distress.

"FEAR NOT!" He yelled. "I SHALL SAVE YOU!" Optimus then proceeded to enact a very dramatic rescue. He charged the dog with every intention of rescuing Phoenix, but Bonecrusher barked at him. The force and magnitude of this bark knocked Optimus to the ground. Phoenix rolled her optics.

"You're not my knight anyway." Kuston Brown randomly flew outside, chased by Sierra.

"Come back Kuston!" The gun-swordsman zipped around Bonecrusher's head before speeding back inside the house. Sierra looked around in confusion. "Where did he go?"

Mean while Jane was too busy wondering what was in the gifts, that is before she was distracted by a box strangly blowing up like a balloon. "Sierra," she called, "might want to have a look at-!"

*BOOM*

The box exploded, to reveal two small robots. The first cough. "Way to go-_cough, cough-_ Jackie, I told you not to do that."

"Sorry, it was the only way to-."

"OH MY GOSH!"

The second one was interrupted by the screams of Jane. She picked up the two. "What the heck?" the second one yelled.

"Hmm, apparently we weren't put in a large box, instead, we've shrunk, or the humans have made themselves larger than us," the first one explained.

"Oh quit your Insigne-ness, we need to find Optimus, and-."

"WHEELJACK!"

They jumped as Optimus showed up. "You could of killed someone!" he yelled.

"Well it's not like the explosion was big enough to hurt someone!"

There was a loud *clong!*. One of the gun-swordsmen had grabbed a pan (have no idea how they lifted it) and hit Sierra in the face. Sierra screamed, hit the floor, the gun-swordsmen who grabbed the pan, threw it, and flew away. Meanwhile, Megatron is talking with Starscream, who screams and flys off, leaving a very confused Megatron behind, then to Megatrons horror, a skillet lands on him. Then Sierra (who must be dead to the world) is singing, " Star trekkin' across the universe! One the star ship enterprise under captain Kirk!"

Jane watches her on the floor, only to get hit with a very hard mettle, and clasp on Sierra. Jane picked up the pan, and threw it, and hit Megaton, bounced off him and the wall, hit Optimus in the head, landed on Wheeljack, and bounced of of Proceptor, who was saying, "interesting, must be the force she threw it-" *Clong* "-with."

It soon bounced off of Starscream (oops I shouldn't of said that), bounced off of Megatron again, bounced off of the couch, landed on Ironhide, hit Megatron AGAIN bounced off of Optimus, hit a gun-swordsmen, and two other gun-swordsmen, almost landed on Bonecrusher (the dog), who was about to sit on Megatron, wow that's a lot of words, then it landed on a box, and a big green mech that looked like an apple landed on Optimus (and in the wrong spot), while a smaller femme landed on Wheeljack (also in the wrong spot), then the pan bounced off a door hit Jane in the head, landed on Megatron (AGAIN!) and started bouncing on him till he seemed to be in the carpet, and was finally sat on by Bonecrusher (the dog). The pan then landed on Ratchet, bounced off the wall hit Ratchet again, bounced off of Starscream (hope Phoenix didn't here that), then Jane finally caught the pan, with a big bruise on her face, shaped like the pan. "Anyone else have a problem?" she asked.

Everyone, including Sierra, shook there head. That was when Phoenix flew up to her. "I got a problem!" she yelled, "that pan hit Starscream in the face."

"Well if you haven't notice, I got a bruise on my face from the pan!"

There was loud wails from the front room, and Jane and Sierra looked to see a bit green mech sitting on Optimus, and in the wrong spot. "Bulkhead," Optimus whinned, "get off!"

Wheeljack also wailed in pain as the femme still sat on him. The femme soon hopped off, and walked over the robot Optimus had called, Bulkhead. She looked at him, seeing that he was knocked out, she knocked on his head. "Hello," she said, "anybody home?"

Bulkhead opens his optics, and sats up, Optimus wailing. Bulkhead jumped and landed on the femme. "Get off!" she yelled, throwing him, only to land on Jane, who stares at him. "Hi," he said.

* * *

Jane was starring at all of the Autobots and Decepticons she had found so far. "SHeash," she said, "this is such a weird Christm-."

"Hey Jane!" Sierra yelled from the other room, "did you know that there's a robot Bonecrusher?"

Jane looked to see a brown robot with his arms crossed while Sierra held it up. "Put…me…down…FLESHLING!" it said.

"Ok!"

Sierra dropped it. "Bonecrusher!" Megatron yelled running torwards the robot, only to get attacked by the dog.

"Get off!" he yelled, as the dog happily licked his face.


End file.
